Portraits of Merrill Kerr Gee

by Mary Carolyn Weller Pugmire

 

The collage of portraits is vivid in my mind—each picture of the man known on earth as Merrill Gee is vivid and gives a positive message that I would like my children to know about.  Their father named his youngest son after this man because he loved and respected and admired him.  The writer is their mother-and she reveres him for the special way in which he has touched her life and indirectly, the lives of her children.

 

First portrait - I can’t place the time but I must have been rather young - was at a concert in Pocatello, Idaho.  I was attending a concert and this man came out and gave a speech in which all the major words started with the letter “P.”  I can remember thinking so vividly as I laughed with the audience members, “Our language!  Our language!  Words can be exciting when they are used the way this man uses them.  I’m going to learn about words and use them well like he does!” 

 

Ah, Brother Gee, I have never quite accomplished that, but I think my entire life has been richer for that early awareness of words and I have always loved to hear you express yourself whether it was informally or in a talk.

 

Second Portrait - outside the courthouse in Pocatello at Christmas time.  Mr.  Gee was leading the singing.  He was wearing lederhosen shorts that he had obtained when he was a judge at the Nuremburg trials in Germany.  His beautiful voice rang out as he lead the caroling throng, but I was at the back and a group was talking about his experience in Germany.  “He’s quite a speaker,” they said.  “Why doesn’t he talk more about the experience in Germany?  After all, those (and various persons used negative, horrible adjectives to describe the Nazi party members) deserved every punishment that we could give them!” 

 

I stood there and watched the man leading the singing.  To me he radiated justice-whatever that “loaded” word means.  It seemed befitting that a man who wanted to devote his life to justice was leading Christmas carols that had to do with the birth of the Prince of Peace.  Through the years of my life, whenever people have talked of judging, I have pictured this man who radiated love and goodwill instead of capitalizing on stories about the trials of Nuremberg.

 

Third Portrait - Our wedding reception-Donald McKay Pugmire and Mary Carolyn Weller - married for time and all eternity in the House of the Lord - June 18, 1954.  The only thing Don requested for the wedding reception was that Merrill Gee sing “Because.”  (The women had their say in all other matters.)  And my most vivid memory is the picture is the picture of this admired man singing ....” And pray His love will make our love divine because GOD MADE THEE MINE.”  Even in writing this now, tears come to my eyes and I have to stop and wipe them away.  Thus this portrait of Merrill Gee is blurred with teardrops, but those tears are now soul-drops of understanding because I now realize that the message he was singing is a vital part of what this brief life of ours is all about.

 

Fourth Portrait is a composite picture of all the times I had seen Merrill Gee.  These pictures flashed through my mind when my beloved Don said, “I want this precious little kid named after Merrill Gee.  I want him to emulate the characteristics that I so admire in this great guy.  “Merrill” is a family name, too, but the name will be a heritage of the traits I admire.”  (Perhaps I’d better give a little background here.  Don did not believe in naming a child “after” a parent.  He felt a child was entitled to his/her own identity apart from the parent.   I did not feel strongly one way or the other.  I knew he liked to carry on the middle name of McKay for the oldest son, but names seemed to be a bigger issue for him than for me.  However, when our first girl was handed to me in the delivery room, I had such a strong impression that she should be named “Carolyn” that it was almost overwhelming.  (We had planned to name her “Julie.”  Don agreed, and was even more positive when I suggested we call her “Carrie,” after my beloved Grandmother Wary rather than “Carolyn” after me. 

 

He said with a twinkle in his beautiful brown eyes, “However, I get to name the next child.”  How he teased me after that little boy was born.  One whole day he kept me in a turmoil because he said he was going to name that little boy, “Aloysius.”  “Oh, we’ll call him “Al,” he said.  I wailed, “Don, I can just hear it when he graduates from high school...Aloysious Pugmire!”  He laughed at my discomfort and left me wondering if I should break my promise that he could name out special little son.  Well, that went against a personal principle...so when he said he wanted to name him “Merrill” after Merrill Gee, it sounded like the most beautiful sound in the world and mind-pictures of Merrill Gee seemed wonderful indeed!

 

Fifth portrait - this picture of the lawyer, Mr. Gee, seems like a distorted view taken with a wide-angle lens that s-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-s over a year’s time.  Actually, it is not a sad, sympathetic portrait, but is a picture that shows character and stamina, reverence for the living and faith that we will be with our loved ones again.  The young father, only 39, had died in a car accident.  There was no will....the young couple felt that they didn’t have that many material possessions and felt that life would go on...and on...and on.  But the young mother - myself - knew that she had an ally - Merrill Gee.

Perhaps this was one reason that her sweetheart had felt so strongly that this man’s name and image should be a part of his family’s life.  A book of several chapters could be written about all that went on that year.  My life became centered around Merrill Gee.  As I write this, I literally find my face contorted with painful grimaces.  Brother Gee (and next to the word, “father,” isn’t the term “brother,” the most beautiful t a Latter-Day Saint?)  not only did the legal work, he bore the widow’s burden. (James 1:7) The hurt in heart and face is the realization that perhaps the pain that is now in Brother Gee’s head is the result of too much pressure too long of too many Sister Pugmires, etc., etc., etc.  in Merrill Gee’s life.  I do not believe that Brother Gee would want me to say this in our family history, because I think (I cannot know, of course,) that he would just consider that it was his job and his opportunity to help and do what had to be done.  But, oh! To his wife and children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren-to-come (and to the Pugmire clan) let me tell you that if any person ever exemplified “Pure religion undefiled” it was Merrill Gee that year.  (1968-69.)  I feel I must add a word for Sister Gee here.  I’ve always wondered what was going on in their life at home during that year.  I do not know Sister Gee at all personally.  I view her as a truly beautiful woman, but she must have been the supportive wife and mother to give her husband the strength to do all that he was doing at that time.  (In addition to his professional and church duties, he was very involved with boards of education.)  How do I paint the complex portrait of the man during this year?  Perhaps, in interest of the always-demanding time challenge, I’ll just list a few of the things he did”

 

-Accepted my call right after Don died and took upon himself the burden of advice as to whether I should have an autopsy and how I could avoid it when the doctor was demanding it.  (I now know that the doctor was afraid of lawsuits, but there were factors that I felt an autopsy should not be performed.

 

-Helped with the immediate legal technicalities.  There were many.  Helped me plan how to sell the business and save what assets I could...four little children to support and raise myself...Even now it seems overwhelming.

 

-Let me just sit in his office when I needed a place to think and felt I had no place to go where there was peace.  (Strange that I should find peace in a lawyer’s office.)

 

-Helped me try to understand probate and why the laws were the way they were in Idaho.  Supported me through the day in court - it was agonizing for me.

 

-Etc., etc., etc.

 

However, the most meaningful thing (and I think I can say this for both of us) was the spiritual experience I had when my beloved husband came to me.  Strange...I write quite a bit, and yet I have recorded this only briefly.  IT IS TOO SACRED TO JUST TALK OR WRITE ABOUT CASUALLY.  BUT, I HAD FELT SO “RAW” ABOUT THE FACT THAT A YOUNG FATHER WHO WAS NEEDED SO MUCH IN HIS HOME WOULD BE KILLED IN A CAR WRECK.  PEOPLE , BLESS THEM,  THEY DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY - WOULD OFFER COMFORT WITH THE PHRASE, “GOD MUST HAVE NEEDED HIM FOR A MORE IMPORTANT WORK.” 

 

BUT I FELT THAT HE COULD NOT BE HAPPY IN HIS NEW EXISTENCE WHEN THINGS WERE IN SUCH A TURMOIL ON EARTH.  HE LOVED HIS CHILDREN AND ME AND HOW COULD HE BE HAPPY? 

 

I prayed earnestly for an answer to these queries.  They seem unimportant now, but they were very real then. 

 

I CAN SEE WHY THE WITNESSES TO THE BOOK OF MORMON COULD NEVER DENY WHAT THEY HAD WITNESSED.  TYRANTS COULD ACTUALLY DESTROY ME, BUT I WOULD TESTIFY THAT DON DID COME TO ME AND THAT HEAVENLY FATHER LITERALLY ANSWERED MY PRAYERS.  DON’S HEAD HAD BEEN SEVERELY HURT IN THE CAR WRECK AND HE HAD BEEN DRESSED (FOR VIEWING) IN HIS TEMPLE CAP.  WHEN HE CAME TO ME, HE DID NOT HAVE HIS TEMPLE CAP ON - IT WAS IN HIS HAND - HIS HEAD AND HAIR WERE RESTORED AND HE SAID:

 

“I AM HAPPY AND MY FEET DON’T HURT ANYMORE.”

 

I FELT THE SWEETEST PEACE FOR A FEW MINUTES AFTER THE EXPERIENCE.  BUT THEN WONDERMENT HIT ME.  WHAT DID DON MEAN BY, ‘MY FEET DON’T HURT ANYMORE’?”  AGAIN A SPIRITUAL IMPRESSION TOLD ME TO ASK MERRILL GEE.  I WAS SURPRISED BECAUSE THERE WERE MANY SPIRITUAL PEOPLE IN MY LIFE - MY BELOVED PARENTS AND FATHER-IN-LAW, MY BISHOP, SISTER AND BROTHER-IN-LAW...BUT I WENT TO BROTHER GEE.  I TOLD HIM THAT DON HAD HAD YEARS OF SUFFERING WITH FOOT INFECTIONS BUT I WONDERED AT HIS WORDS AND HAD HAD THE IMPRESSION THAT I SHOULD COME AND ASK HIS INTERPRETATION.  BROTHER GEE WITHOUT HESITATION (AS I RECALL) TOLD ME THAT DON HAD MENTIONED HIS FEET BECAUSE IT WAS SOMETHING OF EARTH THAT I COULD UNDERSTAND AND THAT THE UNDERSTANDING WOULD BRING ME COMFORT.  IT DID.

 

Sixth portrait - years passed.  It was now time for son Merrill to receive the Aaronic Priesthood.  I felt so special about this and so did his brother, David.  He decided to take Merrill to Salt Lake for conference before he actually received the priesthood.  He went down to stand in line outside the tabernacle.  There stood Merrill Gee!!  My Merrill had not known this special man for whom he was named.  We had moved away from Pocatello and so had Brother Gee.  Here they were meeting on the temple grounds in Salt Lake City on a beautiful day...and so the sixth portrait includes both Merrills.

 

Seventh Portrait - Carrie’s wedding day - May 7, 1991 - how quickly the years pass!  An overused phrase and yet so true!  And now our living Prophet had admonished us to keep journals and so I can quote from my journal on that special day.  (I am glad, though, that I kept a sporadic diary in the year after Don died.)

 

Merrill Gee was there (at the luncheon) and I asked him to speak a little.  As he came up, I repeated the words that he sang to Don and I:

 

BECAUSE you come to me with naught save love and hold my hand and lift my eyes above...a wider world of HOPE and JOY I see BECAUSE you come to me.. BECAUSE God made thee mine I’ll cherish thee—MERRILL GEE TOOK OVER—THROUGH LIGHT AND DARKNESS THROUGH ALL TIME TO BE AND PRAY HIS LOVE MAY MAKE OUR LOVE DIVINE… BECAUSE GOD MADE THEE MINE. 

 

At that moment, I felt Don’s presence so closely and wished all my might that Brent and Carrie will feel the eternal closeness I feel to Don and I know that he feels toward me.  (For me this was a very spiritual part of Carrie’s wedding day.)

 

And so my portraits come together to form an impression of a good man.  There has come into my life a choice companion, Charles Stoy.  My thoughts go loyally to him, but I am a better person because I have the knowledge that life goes on after death, that Heavenly Father hears and answers our prayers, and that our Savior is ever near to help and guide us.  I have wanted to write these impressions of Merrill Gee for many months.  Perhaps, because the thoughts and impressions are so bound together with the thoughts of my eternal husband, I have hesitated.  Last night I sat by Loni and Allen (Merrill Gee’s daughter and son-in-law) as my son Merrill and Jennifer Hackworth graduated from Seminary. 

 

I know that Brother and Sister Gee have come home from their mission because of the pain in Brother Merrill’s head.  We have prayed for him, but last night, I felt I had to let all other pressing matters go, and record these impressions of Merrill Gee...(I do not question this).  I have tried to let the words flow and now I conclude with the words so strongly in my mind of Merrill Gee it can be said:

 

INASMUCH AS YE DO IT UNTO THE LEAST OF THESE MY

BRETHREN, YE DO IT UNTO ME.